Advocating for Your Child in the IEP Process

Ivory Duncan

Founder, Embracing Neuro-Diversity

2026-04-19

Ivory Duncan is a proud mother of a neurodiverse child. Her experience spans Title I schools, postsecondary leadership design, and equity training. She hosts the podcast Embracing Neuro-Diversity.

Notes from April 19th - Ivory Duncan - IEP Advocacy

Ivory's Story & Embracing Neuro-Diversity

Ivory is a native Kansas Citian who spent 15+ years in Chicago as a history teacher, assistant principal, and education consultant before moving back about three years ago.
Her son (born 2016) was diagnosed with autism at age 4 in Chicago after a year-and-a-half wait list. The early speech therapist's written evaluation said "literally no signs of autism" — a reminder that early evaluations can miss the mark.
The diagnosing doctor told her "this is not a death sentence... if you give him the services he needs, he will be okay." That empathetic framing stayed with Ivory and shaped how she counsels other parents.
Ivory researched Kansas City districts and strategically moved to Lee's Summit, which showed up in her research as one of the top three Missouri districts for autism supports.
She founded Embracing Neuro-Diversity to fill the gap she experienced — the need for guidance from someone who shares the lived experience of being an autism parent, not just a professional coach.
She has also written children's books reflecting the stories of neurodiverse children like her son.

Framework: Discovery → Acceptance → Embracing

Ivory's framework is inspired by the cycle of grief — you don't pass through it once. You can traverse the full cycle in an hour or over the course of years.
Discovery: shifting role of parents; seeking answers and diagnosis; grief, confusion, relief; "you matter too."
Acceptance: half the battle — learning to accept the differences your child brings into the world.
Embracing: seeing differences not as deficits but as strengths that can be cultivated with the right systems.
Every new characteristic (a food refusal, a speech milestone, a social challenge) can put you back at Discovery. That is normal.

90-Day First-Steps Handbook

Ivory wrote a 90-Day First-Steps Handbook in parent-friendly language for newly diagnosed families — stepping through what to do after the diagnosis.
The guide includes poignant questions about how parents are feeling; it is okay to grieve; your child is not "scarred."
Build an "arsenal of coaches" — speech, OT, ABA, BCBA, PT — based on what your child needs.

IEP Basics

Schools will not offer an IEP on their own — the parent must request the evaluation in writing. Once requested, the school is legally charged to complete it.
The evaluation window is 30 days in Missouri; some Kansas districts quote up to 60 days.
The evaluation determines whether an IEP is warranted — it is not a guarantee.
The IEP is valid for one year, with a mid-year review and an end-of-year review.
IEP = academic goals and services. 504 = medical or behavioral accommodations (e.g., anxiety support, sensory breaks).
A child with strong academics but social-emotional needs may get a 504 instead of an IEP — that is not necessarily bad, but if you disagree and have evidence your child is not meeting academic benchmarks, push back and request an independent evaluation.

IEP Meeting Strategy

Go in as the person in charge. Bring your own questions, expectations, and desired goals. Don't wait for the school to tell you what is best — you know your child.
The school should share a draft IEP at least two weeks before the meeting. If you receive it less than a week out, that is a red flag.
Bring your child's outside therapists (BCBA, speech, OT, PT). They speak the school's language and frequently catch problematic language or missing services.
You can record the meeting. Many families give 24-hour notice; check your state's consent rules.
Do not sign the IEP on the spot. Take it home, mark it up, and reconvene. The school cannot finalize the IEP without parental consent, so you control the pace.
Schools often try to rush through the meeting — it is another item on their checklist. It is your child. Slow down, pause, ask questions.

Measurable (SMART) Goals

Every goal must be numerical — a baseline, a target, and a timeline. "Improve reading skills" is not measurable.
Good examples: "identify 30 sight words (currently at 10)"; "attend to a read-aloud for 7 minutes (currently 5)"; "independently communicate at least 15 different phrases using 3+ words (currently 8)."
Beware compound-probability goals like "70% of the time, 2 out of 4 trials" — that works out to roughly 35%. Schools sometimes stack probabilities to make progress look better than it is.
When the school says "he has made progress," ask what progress, in numbers, and what they are doing to move the needle (accommodations, interventions).
Request graphs of progress. If the data bounces up and down and they draw a trend line claiming progress, push back — that is a conversation about inconsistency, not progress.

Communication With Teachers & Administrators

Build rapport at Meet-the-Teacher night so the teacher knows your face and expects to hear from you.
"No news is good news" is not acceptable. If communication tapers off, follow up directly. For nonverbal kids especially, you need the daily touch points.
Keep tone assertive and kind. Everything should be professional, documented, and direct.
If communication does not improve, CC the next person up the chain. You are not over-communicating — you are documenting.

When You Disagree

Put concerns and questions in writing after reviewing the draft IEP at home. The school must follow up on written concerns.
Changes to the IEP cannot be finalized by email alone — a meeting must happen. Email is for redlines, questions, and documentation.
If the school denies a request (more minutes, a service, a placement change), ask for a Prior Written Notice (PWN) documenting the denial and the rationale.
If you disagree with the school's evaluation, you can request an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE).
The IEP cannot be adopted without your consent. Pause as long as you need to.
You cannot directly dictate service minutes — schools have caseload constraints. Instead, argue indirectly: if the goal list is too long for the allotted minutes, make that case.

Navigating School Programs & Placement

Districts often lack transparency about their program names (CLASS, SAIL, etc.). Ask what the program looks like in practice before accepting a placement.
Ivory's son was placed in a similar named program she was initially skeptical of; once she asked specific questions, she learned it had more peers with similar needs, more robust therapies, and a socialization curriculum his home school did not offer. Her son's IEP now splits 50/50 between gen-ed and special-ed classes.
If a district says it cannot accommodate your child, it is legally obligated to find a way — sometimes that means a different building, sometimes that means building a new fit. Parents who pushed (sometimes with an outside BCBA in the room) got their kids into neighborhood schools that initially said no.
Do not accept a more restrictive setting by default. Ask what is available, state what you want, and iterate.

Q&A Highlights

Q: How often do you get an IEP? A: Request it now; evaluation takes 30 days (Missouri). Once written, the IEP is valid a year with mid-year and end-of-year reviews.
Q: End-of-year comes and they claim "progress" but no goal was met — what do I do? A: Demand the numbers behind the claim. Ask what interventions they are using. If denied services, request a PWN. Consider an IEE.
Q: Can I record the IEP meeting? A: Yes — check local consent rules; notifying 24 hours in advance is common practice.
Q: We are homeschooling but want an IEP as a backup / to stay visible in Child Find. A: A stale IEP loses weight the longer a child is out of public school. When they re-enter, the district will re-evaluate. A prior IEP does, however, keep the child visible in Child Find data.
Q: My child has a 504 and school says IEP is not warranted even though I disagree. A: The 504 is medical/behavioral; the IEP is academic. If you have evidence your child is not meeting academic benchmarks, bring a third-party evaluator.